Dear New Resident of 754 Chestnut Street:
On behalf of your new neighbors and our community, we would likely to welcome you to Chestnut Street. It is an honor and a privilege to extend the hand of friendship to new Block Members. We hope you are settling in comfortably, and that you find this street as pleasant and comfortable as we do.
The inhabitants of Chestnut Street traditionally place a high premium on orderly appearance and general upkeep of our quarter-mile stretch of road, as outlined in the preamble of our Chestnut Street Charter (most recently revised last month—see attached document). We take great pride in our tasteful and sensible presentation, and strive to maintain a collective aesthetic unity. We are therefore certain that you will understand why the concerns that follow must be addressed in a timely fashion.
It has recently come to our attention that your place of residence fails to comply with several of the new ordinances adopted by the Chestnut Street Committee for Quality Control just this past week, and we would like to outline the following items of concern. Firstly, the new decree states that all residences shall display a WELCOME sign prominently on their front door as a gesture of invitation and an image of neighborhood warmth. Residents are free to choose the size and style of said WELCOME sign, provided it can be read from the street. Our Committee has noticed the striking lack of a WELCOME sign on your front door, and it is the opinion of the Committee that the absence of this adornment gives an impression of aloofness and coldness that is not in accord with the character of Chestnut Street. We would advise you to amend this situation as soon as possible for the good of the neighborhood. Secondly, you have chosen to paint your window shutters a quite interesting shade of green that, while bright, is in fact a bit frightening and brash for the color scheme selected by the Chestnut Street Committee for Aesthetic Collectivity. The committee would like to request that a paler and more "pleasing" tone of green replace the current lurid shade, in a timely fashion if at all possible, in an effort to restore a unified color palette to the neighborhood. Our final note of alarm is that sudden appearance of a rare and exotic tree-form on your property, which presumably was planted there upon your arrival at your discretion. This unfamiliar treeform species, more at home in a wild jungle environment than on our street, stands in a very prominent location within plain sight from the road, and contrasts very sharply with the more common and tasteful selections of tree or shrubforms selected by the other residents of Chestnut Street. It may have escaped your attention (which is understandable, given your recent arrival) that the most popular form of tree on this block is indeed our namesake, the chestnut tree, as a token of pride and appreciation for the neighborhood in which we live. We strongly urge you to reconsider the placement of the uncouth and exotic tree-form in front of your home, and wonder whether you might consider a more tasteful and common chestnut tree instead?
We feel certain that as soon as these aesthetic abnormalities at your place of residence can be corrected, you will feel more at home in this neighborhood. We hope that you will soon share in the spirit of unity that guides our mission to be the most visually pleasing street in the entire township of Arbourville. Again, best wishes on behalf of your neighbors, and welcome to the Chestnut Street community!
Mrs. Melinda Mathewson, Co-Chair of the Chestnut Street Committee for Quality Control