Meghan Carlson
Eavesdropping

    So picture my mother and one and a half bottles of champagne...

    ...and she gets so angry because he bitches back, she goes inside her house, GRABS A BAT, and hits him! She didn't bash him or anything...

    Next picture us in the bathroom, washing our hands, when a woman comes in with a cute seven-week-old baby. We're cooing. ("Oh my God! I want one!")

    ... and it tapped him once in awhile. The neighbor saw this and called the cops, but when the cops came...

    ...the woman's all, "Yeah, poor thing's hungry." And she...

    sentenced her to anger management (which she needs) but she called me...

    and my mother goes, "I bet she's hungry!" and pinches the woman's breast, making a honking sound.

    But she was carrying a bat...

    ...which didn't look good.