How Parents Fit Into Their Students' Lives at College

Interested Yet Not Intrusive

Just because your student is at school, it doesn't mean that he no longer needs you to be involved in his life. It's important for you to be involved—it's actually quite essential to his success!

The key is being interested in what's happening in his life without being too intrusive. Some ways to do just that are:

• don't make conversations sound like "quizzes"
• instead of always focusing on grades, ask your student what he is learning in class—that takes the pressure off and allows him to share exciting information.
• if your student mentions a new person's name, just casually ask about that person ("So, Sam is a friend from...?") rather than drilling for details.
• don't always ask where they were if they weren't in when you called; ask what they're getting involved in and what interests them so far
• let them share their enthusiasm!

The Campus Approach

• we make ourselves very available to students, during "office hours" and evening hours
• we welcome students coming to see us with a problem
• we treat students as adults, getting them involved in solving their own problems instead of relying upon others to do it for them
• we intervene if we become aware of potentially life-threatening behavior occurring
• we respect students' privacy yet don't always promise confidentiality—we may need to get others involved in order to ensure their well-being
• we don't serve as "babysitters" for students
• we are concerned with students' safety so we educate them on ways to keep themselves and others safe
• we are here to support students

A Web of Support

Students who are struggling with various concerns can turn to:

• the counseling center
• the tutoring center
• academic support services
• student and professional residence life staff in the residence halls
• advisors
• career services
• the learning disabilities coordinator
• faculty and staff members
• campus ministry
• student affairs staff

Campus professionals are there because they truly want to work with college students and many have specific training to help them connect with the population. So, encourage your student to seek help rather than "toughing it out" alone. Asking for help is a sign of great strength—make sure your student knows that.

A New Chapter, Paper Clip Communications, Little Falls, NJ


More Reading: Newsweek's "The Fine Art of Letting Go"